Friday, 10 April, 4 a.m.
Cannot sleep, but I do not really care. My mind is full of memories, emotions, feelings coming from all around to me. As if I was flying from one soul to another, sharing for a moment the loss, the fear, the wish to start again, the despair. We were given a nice bungalow, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom with a SHOWER. I prepare to have a shower. You know as when you say "just the moment for a shower". I was thinking just yesterday of having a shower just as one of the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. I prepare for the shower almost as for a ceremony. And it is great, just great... absolute joy, total egoistic joy. After the celebration, I feel guilty, I am thinking of all the people I know and I don't know,in tents under the villages, or freezing in their cars a little distance from isolated houses, where all the work of a lifetime is concentrated, the photo albums, the souvenirs from all the places visited, all the small things they bought or made, grandma's blanket, the paintings, the makeup things, the razors for your unshaven armpits and the deodorants... people waking and waiting to stop pitiless scavengers looking for DVD readers, computers, money and jewels, credit cards, handbags left behind.
It is 5 a.m. now.
I recharged my mobile phone credit yesterday, plenty of credit, so I call my brother in law, who I know is in a car below my house, I know he is awake, the cold in the early hours is absolutely killing. He is fine, we speak a little, the water supply was repaired by the Protezione Civile, he is awake, just very badly needs a sleeping bag. A sleeping bag would be absolute heaven. He said he could wash his hair yesterday, warming some water on a camping gas burner. A real, real joy. Suddenly I do not feel guilty for my nirvana moments while having THE SHOWER. I do not feel guilty.
